These Words shared by A Father Which Saved Me when I became a New Father

"I think I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of being a father.

However the truth soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward words "You're not in a good spot. You need support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider failure to open up between men, who continue to hold onto harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a sign of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - taking a few days away, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - eating well, physical activity and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."